My Kid Makes Me Cry

It’s true.  My kid makes me cry.

Oh, usually I cry because she tests me.  She’s a very stubborn  hard-headed  frustrating “spirited” child at times.   Many people would not believe me unless they’ve seen her in action.  From an outsider’s perspective, she seems so sweet and quiet.  Most of the time, people who don’t know her think she’s mute.  We get the “Oh, [insert Little One’s real name here] is so shy!”  The truth is, she’s not.  It’s really just a farce.  It’s a meticulously orchestrated scheme for people to believe she is shy.  Believe me, she’s a real firecracker!

Oh, the emotions and the theatrics!  I just can’t wait until she hits puberty.  That was sarcasm, by the way.

Seriously, my kid makes me cry.

I do have to say that my daughter makes me cry for many reasons.  I can tell you that she makes me cry because getting ready for school is always a battle.  Brushing her extremely long hair was always a battle.  This was probably not my finest parenting moment (okay, it was a little crazy), but I am not one for empty threats.  I believe if you are going to tell your child that you are going to do something, you have to follow through.

Remember that time I chopped 12 inches off her hair? Yes. I still cannot believe I did that.

I could tell you that she makes me cry because she always tries to negotiate bedtime.  I could also tell you that she makes me cry because she often sometimes seems like she isn’t listening to a single word I say…and then I sound like a nag.

Instead, I’ll tell you some of the other reasons Little One makes me cry.  The good kind of crying, that is!

1. She makes me cry because she is a miracle.  It’s true.  She actually is a medical miracle for many reasons.  From a medical perspective, the odds of Hubby and I being able to conceive were very slim to say the least.  The fact that I was able to carry a baby to 28 weeks was a miracle.
2. Little One beat the odds once again when she was born at 28 weeks.  Our 980 gram preemie is now a 38 lb seven year old!
3. She makes me cry because she has the biggest, kindest heart I’ve ever known in a child so little.  For instance, she took her birthday money that Hubby’s aunt gave her and she bought groceries to donate to the Food Bank.
4. I recently saw her give her last piece of chocolate to a friend and ended up not having any for herself.  She had four pieces of chocolate and gave a piece to each of her friends.  When it came to the last piece, it was either her or her little friend who would have it.  She gave it to her friend.  People keep telling me that “only children are selfish and do not know how to share”.  I really beg to differ.  I’ve known many children with multiple siblings who do not know how to share.  I really detest that generalization.
5. She makes me cry because she used to be this little baby who looked up to me and now she’s a little person who thinks, speaks, reads, spells, and reasons with us.  I’m in constant awe of her.

I’m so thankful for such a quirky, intelligent, empathetic, kind, thoughtful, funny little girl.  This parenting thing is not easy and I make a lot of mistakes.  I need to learn to be more patient and maybe even ease up a bit.  I realize I do have a lot of expectations of Little One and I hope when she gets older, she will understand where I’m coming from.  I just want her to grow up and become a good person.  I would like her to be empathetic, kind, gentle, thoughtful, compassionate, fair, and to do the right thing.  That is all.

Okay, perhaps that’s a tall order to fill.  I know that right now, at the tender age of seven, she is already displaying signs of frustration with me.  I hear it when she sighs and I see it when she rolls her eyes at me.  She doesn’t get away with that, by the way.

I’ll be turning 40 in a few days, and it took me almost 40 years to realize that *gulp* Ma and Pa were right about many things in life.  We may not have agreed on certain things, but I know now that Ma and Pa always had our best interests at heart, and I love them for it.

I’ll be honest.  There are many days when I feel like the worst parent in the world.  When I’m tired, I get snippy and impatient.  There are days when I know I’ve done a horrible job or have made mistakes in parenting and wish I could take back the moment and have a “redo”.

I was wondering if other parents question their parenting sometimes as well. I suppose if they don’t, they’re either super incredible parents that I should be taking lessons from, or they’re just not admitting that it’s okay to mess up sometimes and that our kids will love us even though we make mistakes.

Please tell me I’m not the only parent who feels this way.  Do your kids make you cry too?