On Grown-Up Friendships

I remember receiving an e-mail back in the day when Facebook had not made its appearance yet.  This was a time when everyone I knew just started using e-mail as their primary form of communication.  Phone calls were less frequent, as e-mail was easier and more convenient for many. Texting had not yet become popular, as not many had cell phones at the time. Aunts, uncles, former classmates, colleagues…pretty much everyone sent e-mail for messages of all sorts.

I remember receiving a mass e-mail (before the days when people learned how to BCC: instead of CC: everyone) and though I normally just deleted mass e-mails without reading them to their entirety or even at all, this one e-mail caught my attention. It made me think about grown-up friendships and all the different friendships I’ve had in my life.

I kept the e-mail.  I still have it in a folder in my inbox.

Reason, Season, Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

When you figure out which one it is,  you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,

it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.

They have come to assist you through a difficulty;

to provide you with guidance and support;

to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.

They may seem like a godsend, and they are.

They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,

this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.

Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.

The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,

because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.

They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.

They may teach you something you have never done.

They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.

Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;

things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.

Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,

and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown

When you’re a kid, friendships are less complicated than the friendships we have as adults.  I have a few best friends whom I confide in and who have been in my life since we were teenagers.  We’re all very busy with work, family, kids, and life, and we only get to see each other maybe once or twice a year, but we communicate via text, phone, e-mail and Skype.  When we do get to see each other, it’s as though time hadn’t passed and we just pick up from where we left off.  Those are the best kinds of friendships.  Those are also the ones where we’ve been there for each other through the happiest of times and also through the worst moments.  Those friends have seen us through our darkest days, our biggest fears, and what at the time may have felt like insurmountable sadness.  They’re always there to remind you that tomorrow is another day. Those are lifetime friends.

I believe everyone who enters our lives teach us a lesson.  Even negative experiences aren’t really negative if you think about it.  We learn something from every person who touches our lives.  A bad experience with someone can teach us how to be stronger and can teach us how to be a better person.

Though life is so busy, every now and then when things slow down, I occasionally get time to sit and think.  There are times I lament the loss of a friendship.  The truth is that sometimes people just grow apart, lives take on different paths, people move away and get wrapped up in the everyday.  I do know that if a friendship is meant to be, it will.  With nurturing and cultivating (from both parties), friendships can grow and thrive.

I also know that when it comes to friendships, that the following is true…

I  have my best friends and I have a core group of amazing friends in my life.  I get together with some of my girl friends maybe once a month or once every other month.  I think as busy working moms, it’s often easy to forget to take time for ourselves.  Our once a month (or every other month) gatherings are so uplifting.  My husband jokes around and calls them “hen parties”.  There is never any shortage of laughter and good times, and there is always copious amounts of good food.

When I was younger, most of my friends were male.  I always had a few really good girl friends, but found it easier (and less drama) hanging out with guys.

Now that I’m older, my husband and I have five couples that we spend a lot of time with.  All our children are around the same age and we have a lot in common.  It’s great when friends are couples that we all get along with.  Being able to enjoy dinner parties, camping trips, picnics, hikes, beach days, boat rides together with our families is a welcome treat for us.  We really appreciate the friends we have.

I thank everyone who has come into my life for being part of my journey.  Thank you…whether you’re a reason, a season or a lifetime.

When you think about your grown-up friendships, how have your friendships changed over the years?