I remember her first day of junior kindergarten, she clutched my hand so tightly. It was as though she never wanted to let go.
I sensed the tinge of anxiety and fear of the unknown. There was excitement, but apprehension too.
She was not yet four years old.
I was her world.
I would rush across the highway to be on her side of the bus so I could wave to her again as the bus pulled away.
Back then, she would always look back, press her tiny face against the window and wave goodbye to me. There was always a sense of melancholy. It was a bit like the apron strings were being severed.
I know that cutting the apron strings is inevitable, but I think that neither Little One nor I were ready for that. I questioned whether sending her to school at three years of age was too soon. I wanted to keep her with me for an extra year, but she wanted to be with her cohorts.
A few weeks ago, I sensed a shift. Though we still held hands on our walk to the bus stop, and she still gave me a kiss goodbye in the morning, something changed. Little One, would climb on board the school bus and smile and say good morning to her friends as she walked to the back of the bus.
I would rush across the highway to be on her side of the bus so I could wave to her again as the bus pulled away. This time, she didn’t look back.
Little One has stopped looking back and each time I stand at the end of our driveway, hoping she’d look up and smile and wave as she did before, I would see her chatting with friends and laughing. Never looking back at her mother, standing at the end of the driveway, Little One engaged in conversation with her peers. There I stood, hoping she would see me.
I am extremely happy that she is comfortable and content, and enjoying her time with her friends. She’s growing, thriving, and becoming her own person. At the same time, I can’t help but feel just a tad sad.
She doesn’t look back anymore.
It’s difficult when we go from being #1 to…. #2 or 3 or 4…. and you’re position will drop more and more… at least it will feel that way. But, it’s not really.
Our children always need us. Just, in different ways. At different times.. through different crisis’.
She’s growing up. It’s these moments that a Mom realizes just ‘how much’ …
awe that would totally make me sad too 🙁 my girl hasn’t even started school yet (will be next year) and the thought crosses my mind here and there about her starting school and no longer being here all day with me everyday. *sigh*
Kristen, to be honest, the first day Little One started junior kindergarten was one of the hardest days of my life! She was fine! I eventually was fine too. LOL
Such a beautiful post! Just know that she is doing a great job and you are doing a great job too! (I know that, pit in the stomach pain very well)
Thanks so much, Anne! I really appreciate and enjoy your comments on the blog. You are so lovely. xo
I remember the same thing from my son, its his second year now. His first was a rough start. This year hes so ready for it, it makes me feel like chopped liver.
Oh my goodness! We are living parallel lives, Jaimee! Same here!!!
I cried reading this. Mone stopped looking back a long long time ago. Trust me though, they will always need their moms. Growing up is hard…especially for moms.
Hehe! Yes, growing up is hard…on the moms too! Thanks, Janie!
nice photos
Thanks, mrdisco!
Aww, that’s so sad! But I love that you are raising such a self-assured social butterfly. 🙂
*sigh* SO true, Jenn! It’s time to let her stretch those wings and soar! 🙂