You know the situation. You’ve probably witnessed it before or you’ve probably been the parent of a child throwing a tantrum at a restaurant.
I recently read yet another story about a restaurant banning screaming children. This time, the story on Global News featured the Facebook post from The Lobster Pound and Moore.
The restaurant issued an apology on social media after complaints were made about their post.
Kicking and screaming, body thrashing on the floor, and ear-piercing cries do not make for a pleasant experience when you’re trying to enjoy a meal at a restaurant. Right?
Should screaming kids be banned from restaurants?
Let’s face it. Tantrums happen.
When Little One was a baby, we took her everywhere with us. She went to concerts, theatre, high end restaurants…and was great! I knew that if I took care of two important needs that we’d have a smooth experience in public. Those two needs were: sleep and hunger.
Little One is still a cranky kid if she doesn’t get enough sleep. If she’s hungry HANGRY, watch out! It can get pretty scary! I knew that if both of those needs were met before heading out to a public venue, then things would be fine. That works most of the time.
As parents, we can predict the behaviour of the little people we know best, but sometimes things can go awry. Like a Girl Guide, we should always be prepared.
However, sometimes certain factors are beyond our control.
That’s when action needs to be taken…by the parents.
I’m probably going to upset people when I say this…
If your kid is screaming and disrupting the experience of others who have paid for a service (like a dinner or a play), then please remove yourselves from the situation by exiting the venue.
As a parent, I understand that tantrums happen
I’m a parent. Believe me, I know what it’s like to deal with tantrums. I can sympathize (and empathize). Sometimes no matter what you do, there’s no consoling or calming a kid down when they’re in the throes of a meltdown.
I’m also a paying customer and when I’m at a restaurant, I want to enjoy a peaceful meal. I don’t get to frequent restaurants like I used to, so when I do have the occasion to dine at a restaurant of my choice, I want it to be an enjoyable experience.
True, people should be understanding that being a parent can have challenges like having a child have a meltdown in a restaurant. These things happen. This said, parents should also take into consideration other patrons of a restaurant. If you cannot get your child to settle, then remove yourselves from the restaurant until your child eventually settles.
I’ve had to remove my child from a party at a restaurant before. Little One is generally a really well-behaved child and understands social etiquette. This said, she hasn’t been without her occasional moments. In removing my daughter from a restaurant once when she was younger, I wasn’t being a mean mom. I was being a courteous mom. If your child is screaming and crying and not settling, then allowing the tantrum to continue benefits no one. It results in everyone being miserable.
If my child acts up, I remind her of the rules and remind her that other people are trying to enjoy a meal. If that doesn’t work (because sometimes if a kid is in the midst of a tantrum, they’re not listening or processing what you’re saying), it’s time to leave the restaurant.
More than meets the eye
There are so many factors that come into play when people think kids “act up” or “misbehave”. In some cases, it’s not even a question of whether you prepare your child for the restaurant dining experience and attempt removing them or remind them of social cues and social etiquette. Sometimes a child is not in a place to even care about other people and their dining experiences.
What about if you have a child with special needs? There will be times when a child with special needs will not be able to sit still or sit quietly during a meal. Would a restaurant tell the parents they are not welcomed to dine at their establishment? That would be deemed as discrimination.
I’ve actually been at a restaurant when a family was dining with their son who was special needs. There was a man who complained to the restaurant staff that he had lost his appetite and was very disgusted by the boy’s carrying on and “drooling”. I witnessed the entire thing and was so upset by the man’s actions and words that I wanted to get up and leave the restaurant. Thankfully, the owner of the restaurant did something I was not expecting. He went to the family and apologized audibly enough for everyone to hear and said he hoped that the family was enjoying their dinner. It was interesting to see how the owner addressed rudeness and lack of tolerance.
To ban or not to ban?
While I don’t think banning is the right thing to do, I do believe the onus should be on the parents to not let the situation escalate to the point where their children are screaming, kicking and throwing things. Children are people too and they deserve to have the opportunity to enjoy and dining experience at a nice restaurant.
Banning all small children is not the answer, because for many families, their kids (for the most part) behave respectfully at restaurants. I do think that if a situation escalates to tantrum throwing stage, then parents should take their little ones out of the restaurant until the child settles or just call it a day and head home.
Curious to hear what your thoughts are. Should screaming kids be banned from restaurants?
its a tough call because the kid has to learn how to behave in a restaurant, but you don’t want to annoy those around you…
I think part of it is waiting until your children are old enough to be past the tantrum stage before taking them to a white tablecloth type of restaurant. They have to be old enough to be able to sit through the longer meal time, rather than a family restaurant where the food comes fairly quickly. To expect a young child to sit through a 2 hour meal is unfair. When they are young and you are going to take them to a fancy restaurant, and you think they’re ready? Go early. When they open. The child won’t be as tired, and the restaurant won’t be so crowded. Give it a try. If it doesn’t work, get your food to go, pay your bill, tip well, and try again another time.
Part of it is, as you said, making sure your child’s needs are met…they’re not too hungry, not too tired, etc. Of course they’re going to be a little hungry, or what’s the point of going to a restaurant? If they’re likely to be bored, bring a book, or an ipad so they can watch a video or play a game. A coloring book. If they’re not old enough to participate in conversation without these distractions, you’re probably better of at Chilis than Chez Michelle or whatever.
And then there’s common sense and courtesy. If my child were having a meltdown or a tantrum in any restaurant, even McDonalds, I would not subject fellow patrons to that behavior. I would remove the child. It doesn’t need to be a scene.
Banning screaming children? It’s disgusting that it is even a question. Like banning beating your wife. You shouldn’t HAVE to ban it, because it shouldn’t happen. I’m not saying that my daughter has never misbehaved in a restaurant, but it has been very rare, and we took care of it quickly.
Special needs kids need some extra leeway, and if a child drools, perhaps the parents could request a table where the child would not be facing other diners. If I had a child who was truly unable to behave in an appropriate manner, I would not put them into situations where I know they would fail. I have a friend with a child with special needs, who cannot behave in most restaurants. Guess what. She doesn’t take him to most restaurants. Her list is short and specific, as to the types of places she will go with him. Yes, it limits her, but it’s more pleasant for her to not have to deal with those situations, and also more pleasant for the people who might be disrupted by his behavior
personally I wouldn’t take my daughter into fine dining because shes 16 months and I would be on edge and not enjoying myself, however I have to agree tantrums will happen and I think its up to the parents to parent their children. I have seen many people not only not respond to a tantrum but flat out let their children act out in general (i had a kid crawl under the bathroom stall and the mom barely react) I would think it would be common courtesy to remove a screaming child from a restaurant.
I think it is common courtesy to remove your screaming child from a public place so that other persons, who may have looked forward for some time to an evening out, may enjoy their meals in peace and quiet.
As a parent, one cannot always fore see this tantrum happening, but that is no reason to inflict it on other people, especially as people are paying good money to enjoy a meal out.
I think being considerate of others will make for good will on both sides. Thank you for a very sensible and thoughtful post on this problem
Thanks so much, Elva! I really appreciate your comments on the blog! I agree with your comment here. I do realize sometimes situations are not always cut and dry/black and white and that there is a lot of grey area.. So much to consider!
If my boys are acting up while in a restaurant, I take them outside. I also don’t bring them to “fancy” restaurants, only family restaurants where a lot of kids are. Banning children isn’t the answer but I can agree that if a table with children are being noisy and disturbing other diners that they should be spoken too to about it.
Thanks for commenting, loucheryl! It is so interesting to read everyone’s thoughts. I agree with you. I feel the same way. This said, what if a person had a child who was on the spectrum and could not “calm down”? I’ve been in situations where parents were mortified at the glares people were giving them. Kind of like, “Control your child, you horrible parent!”” I truly feel for parents when in situations where it seems like nothing can be done and having them shamed in public is awful.
You’re right that banning isn’t the answer. Not bringing kids to “fancy” restaurants (until they are old enough to know and be able to not run around or be overly noisy at a restaurant) and taking them to restaurants you KNOW are family-friendly is smart. The restaurant/venue is important. I know some people do it, but I wouldn’t take my 6 year old daughter to a bar.
Only if screaming adults are banned from public places, sports facilities.. and the mall <3 🙂
Darlene, I think it’s awful when an adult is screaming or behaving terribly in public places too. I do think that it warrants being asked to leave if it is out of hand. It ruins other people’s experience.
I can see why restaurants would do something like this though, it can be very troublesome for the other people there and they don’t want that being a reflection of their restaurant and ruining someones evening; there are two sides to this so I can see how it might be a bit extreme to just out right ban them.
soapoperaspy: Thanks so much for popping by and for commenting! I can see both sides as well. I won’t deny that something like this could be disruptive and can ruin an dining experience for other patrons. I don’t think everything is black and white and that some understanding can go a long way. I don’t think out right banning is the answer. Many have argued that this is discrimination. At the same time, a restaurant can choose who its target clientele is. If it’s a really swanky, posh place, perhaps parents should reconsider if they think behaviour will be an issue. Someone had mentioned earlier that there ARE other restaurants that cater to young families.
From a business perspective, it would be a challenge to keep all patrons happy. A friend and I were discussing this and I was wondering if people think there’s a difference between an infant crying, a child screaming and having a fit, a special needs child having difficulty sitting still in between appetizers and entrees or an adult being loud? Some may consider all of those loud or “irritating”, but would it be fair to just ban them all?
I don’t think banning kids is right, but I think parents should be mindful and respect other patrons at the establishment. Do I think there should be adults only restaurants? Maybe. I mean, I love taking my daughter to restaurants with us. I often don’t want to be away from her. At the same time, an evening out for a leisurely meal with friends over wine and adult conversation is also welcome!!! Oh, and sans children! It’s like a little treat to have a few hours of no screaming.
Yes, there are two sides to this. It must have been an issue to have warranted the FB post.
Being a Mom, I totally understand kids and tantrums. What I can’t stand is when parents don’t react or try to remove the child from disrupting others! That is when I get mad! The answer isn’t banning, its parenting!
Jenn: I love that! “The answer isn’t banning. It’s parenting.” I absolutely agree. When it’s a case of a child having a tantrum, a parent can always take the child aside for a bit and help the child calm down.
On the flipside (not playing the devil’s advocate here), what if it’s not a case of removing a child or reminding them of social etiquette? Some kids simply cannot rationalize in a situation like that. Say you had a special needs child who had a meltdown over the wrong juice or mashed potatoes instead of fried. The child is not able to express frustration without a meltdown. What does a parent do?
I feel for the child for being frustrated and not being able to articulate. I also feel for the parents who are dealing with the situation. I’m sure no parent wants to be in a situation like that and be scrutinized by strangers. I feel for the restaurant staff who have to try to please all of their patrons. I feel for the other patrons who are just trying to enjoy a meal out.
I agree with your idea of temporarily removing the child until they are more calm. It is up to the parents to take all things into consideration and make the best choice possible under the circumstances.
Layne:
My six year old watched the video with me and I asked her what she thought about restaurants banning screaming children. She was really shocked. Then she said, “Well, kids shouldn’t be misbehaving in public.” She’s six years old! I asked her what she thought should happen and she said, “I think mommies and daddies should take the screaming kids outside like maybe in the car until they calm down for a few minutes.” I asked what should happen if the kid still didn’t settle, My six year old said that they should go home then because it’s not fair to the other customers.
I didn’t get into any of the other “what ifs” because she is still young. She does seem to have an understanding of how we need to respect everyone’s dining experiences though.
I just left a massive response on your Facebook page, I’ll try not to do the same here.
The way I see it is; if they’re not my kids and I don’t have to deal with them, I’m okay with them being there. Through the years, I’ve pretty much learned to block the noise out anyway. If they’re MY kids than depending on if I can get them to calm down or not, I’ll take my meal to go if I have to.
To each his own!
Good call. I just feel badly for all the people paying money to enjoy a peaceful meal. It’s a tough situation. On one hand, I feel it’s important to be considerate of other people around and not being disruptive. On the other, I feel for the parents going through this. Oftentimes it’s really hard to get a child to settle when they are upset.
I remember being single and childless and thinking “why can’t people get their kids to behave?!” and then I became a parent. I feel for parents who struggle with the temper tantrums, because I’ve actually had my little one do that on a few occasions when she was younger. She didn’t do it often, but often enough for me to want to take her home if she didn’t settle.
I can see both sides of this argument, but I do think that if a kidlet is out of control, removing them from the situation is the best outcome.
I get that too, Anne. It’s something I’ve often thought about. With Little One, we prep her before we go anywhere. We also remind her of what is okay and what is not okay behaviour. I have removed her on one occasion and she quickly learned that if she wanted to stay that she needed to behave accordingly. In all fairness, I realized (too late) that the reason she was acting up was because she was tired and not feeling 100%. Going home was the best decision at the time because she was able to calm down and ended up taking a nap.
She’s 6 years old now and doesn’t need the reminders so much anymore. She’s great to take to the theatre, fancy restaurants, and even airplane trips all the way to the Philippines!
Personally, I figure a restaurant is a private business, and if they choose to be adult-only, that’s up to them. There are plenty of restaurant options to go around, and I am sure there’s a market for an adult-only dining experience. What I didn’t like about that FB post was the way it was presented. Entirely unnecessary language.
Yes, Deborah. That is so true. A restaurant owner can cater to an audience of its choice and you’re right about there being other family-friendly establishments as well. As for the post, it certainly could have been worded differently.
Before I had kids I was that person, the person that stared at families where the kids were misbehaving. Now I am the family haha.
I give my son a few minutes, if he still is acting up – I take him outside. I think restaurants are a learning experience on how to act in public.
I think it’s up to the restaurant. Let’s me honest, sometimes it’s nice to be able to go to the bar side of a restaurant to be away from kids so I can understand kidless restaurants.
I totally agree, Randa…with everything you mentioned!