I lay in bed watching her drift into slumber. Her tiny hand clutching onto my fingers, she whispered, “Mama, stay with me”.
I lingered for a bit, not wanting to get out of bed. I was content to lay beside my little girl and just soak in the moment. You know that moment right before your child falls asleep? It’s that moment when you want to be the last person they see before they close their eyes and fall asleep? That moment.
I never imagined ever feeling so much. My heart feels like it is going to burst with love and happiness. Oh, I’m not going to lie. There are moments when I feel so many other things too! It’s not always rainbows and unicorns, my friends. Being a parent, I also sometimes
often feel frustration, anger, sadness, and a gamut of other emotions.
Most of the time I feel happiness, adoration, love, and joy. I am also in constant awe and amazement of the little human being my husband and I created! I often stop and think, “Oh, my gosh! We MADE that! We actually made a human being! A living, breathing life form!” It totally floors me every time.
Sometimes I think, “Meh. Is it really that incredible?” Millions of people all over the world create lives, have babies, and raise children. Many of them reproduce multiple times. Not just that, but plants and animals reproduce, and some multiple times a year! Then I think of how creating a life is to me, magical and scientific all at once. In some ways, one can liken it to having all our stars lined up. The right conditions, timing, and so many other factors are involved in creating a baby. Even though many people and animals reproduce, reproduction (or procreation) is actually a complex series of events on a cellular level. It’s the biological process that creates a new organism by combining the genetic material of two organisms. That’s pretty amazing, don’t you think?!
Sure, for some people, they can just “do it”, and presto! They’re pregnant! I have friends who say, “Oh! My husband just has to look at me and I get pregnant!”
For others, it’s not that easy.
I wonder if this is why I want to soak in every single moment I have with Little One. The fact that we even got pregnant was a surprise. An incredible surprise!
We tried for fifteen months to get pregnant, and just as I was resigned to the fact that we may not ever have children, we were pregnant. Just like that.
I suppose this is why every little thing Little One has accomplished thus far has been a tiny victory. From her early days as a preemie in the NICU, being able to breathe on her own with out the aid of a C-PAP or learn how to suck and not have to be fed by NG-tube have been significant milestones. Everything from learning how to sit up, walk, feed herself, and now read, write, add and subtract have me in awe.
I do think there are some issues we need to work on and I have to admit I am concerned. Though she’s triumphed in areas we weren’t sure she would, she proved us wrong. Being born so early, there were many concerns. I remember being in the hospital on complete hospital bed rest during pregnancy and one of the doctors came in to speak with me. She told me of all the issues that may present themselves in preemies born so early. There were vision issues, respiratory issues, hearing issues, and many other developmental issues that could be a reality for us. For some reason, I was not even thinking about any of those things and in my heart, knew Little One would be perfectly fine. And, she was.
Until now. She does have a few minor issues concerning her health, but the thing that puzzles me most is her not being able to sit down and finish a task. We did a fun game of counting by twos, then fives, then tens. She can do them verbally, but getting her to write them was a different story. She knows how to write, but she just doesn’t want to finish her tasks. She did half of the exercise and then kept procrastinating. Then came the tears, followed by the tantrum.
Part of me wonders if Little One takes her time because she’s a perfectionist and likes things done a certain way. I’m telling you, it takes forever to finish a task (if she even finishes it). She gets stressed out when she can’t finish something in the time allotted. If she’s colouring and we have to go out, she gets stressed because she can’t finish colouring her drawing. It’s little things like that we’re working on.
I’ve been compiling lots of fun exercises, activities and games to help her learn at home (and to make her teacher’s life easier, hopefully!).
Somehow, all the craziness of the day just melts away at that one sweet moment. All the fun and exciting moments we shared, the new things she learned, and everything else in between all get committed to memory. That moment right before she falls into slumber, when I gaze at her sweet face, I think of how happy she makes us. Moments in time are fleeting, and I want to savour every moment I can of being
a parent her parent.