I’m never going to be what everyone wants me to be.
I’m okay with that.
I’ve always had FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) and I’ve always been a people pleaser. My entire life has been spent wanting to please others and be everything others wanted me to be. Be compassionate. Be kind. Be helpful. Be generous. Be supportive. Be understanding. Be there for others.
I’ve conducted my life in a way that I think is best for myself and for my family, but I realize that I can’t be everything for anyone.
Lifestyle
When I was a teenager all the way until my mid-twenties, I was heavily involved in environmental initiatives and I was vegetarian for personal reasons and beliefs. I was considered “difficult” and a pain because back then, many places (or people too) didn’t cater to vegetarian diets. People couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t eat meat or why it wasn’t okay to remove the meat from a dish and give it to me to eat. After some health issues and having to go back to eating meat in my late-twenties/early-thirties, vegetarians told me I was never a true vegetarian if I could go back to eating meat. The fact that I married a beef farmer was also kind of ironic. The thing is, I didn’t feel the need to have to justify myself. It was extremely difficult for me to go back to incorporating a bit of meat into my diet. This said, it wasn’t anyone’s business as to why I had to incorporate meat into my meals again. I didn’t feel I had to explain about the frequent fainting spells, severe anemia, regular B-12 shots at the doctor’s office, tiredness, hair falling out, etc. That wasn’t anyone’s business at all. Even with a vegetarian diet put together by a dietitian, my body couldn’t support a strictly vegetarian diet, despite my wishes to do so.
When I moved from the city to the country, I was “too city” for my new life. I like shopping, fine dining, travel, culture, history, arts, and beautiful things. When I moved to the country, I wasn’t “city enough” for my city friends. I now grow my own food, tread on the earth lightly, live somewhat frugally, and wear rubber boots to run errands in town.
There was a time when I used to never leave my house without my hair and make-up done. I used to wear skirts and heels every day. Now that I live in the country, if I dress up, I’m a snob. If I don’t dress up in the city, I’m a slob. I can’t win.
I grew up pretty privileged. We were never lacking in anything. My parents had good jobs that afforded us yearly trips to Florida and Disney. We traveled to New York and Trinidad and Tobago regularly. It came as a shock to everyone that I ended up moving from the city to the countryside. I married a farmer (whom my entire family loves). It was quite the lifestyle change.
I don’t live in a mansion. We live in a farm house. We are happy and have everything we need. It makes me laugh when people feel sorry for my daughter, because she isn’t lacking in anything. She has fresh air, lots of land to explore and enjoy, we’re outdoors every day, she is in touch with nature and has a healthy relationship with the land and all living things on it. She also enjoys city life when I bring her to the city. I make sure she gets a healthy dose of arts, culture, travel, international cuisine, and many different experiences. She really has the best of both worlds.
Food
I feed my family wholesome, healthy, home-cooked meals. One would think that’s awesome, right? I get hit from both sides daily though. On one side, I’m considered a “fanatic” because I take the time to feed my family well. Oh, don’t even start with my bento lunches. Apparently I have too much time on my hands even though it takes five minutes to put leftovers in a lunch box. I have a secret! It really only takes a few minutes to dress up leftovers and put grapes in a colourful cupcake liner! Really! It’s that easy! Though I work from home, I do work full-time and have to help my husband manage our 750 acre farm. I can tell you that though I love cooking, I do not have hours to spend in the kitchen and I do not have all the free time in the world, thank you very much.
On the flip side, I also get knocked because I am not opposed to giving my daughter the occasional treat. I DO put yogurt and cheese in her lunch. Though I do make yogurt and cheese, I don’t do it regularly. Little One does get the occasional cupcake or treat, and I am okay with that. I really don’t think one can be 100% one way all the time. I think a healthy balance is key. At least for my family it is.
Work
When I decided to teach English, people wondered why I went that route. My grandparents were extremely supportive because my grandmother was an educator and a school principal. This was something I was passionate about. I taught from 1998 to 2012 and then through some interesting turns of events, I ended up in social media. As a community manager, project manager to blogger outreach and campaign planner, my life was changed completely.
I also had a blog. I used to blog for the sake of writing. I am in love with the written word. I do have friends and family who often tell me how much they miss my old blog and reading the stories I wrote. In the past few years, the blog has morphed into something different from the original. That’s okay too. Nothing stays the same. As people grow and evolve, so do their blogs.
I appreciate constructive criticism. My brother recently told me, “Sis, I love your blog, but it’s become really ‘market-y’. I used to go to your blog to read your posts every day”. I appreciate that. My brother’s comment made me realize I need to keep true to my roots and to myself. This said, I think I need a good mix of both the personal and the sponsored content to keep things interesting and fresh.
I only accept opps that I love. I will never promote anything that I don’t believe in or that is not a good fit for my family. I’ve had to say no to many opportunities for those very reasons.
I admit, social media is changing and that it does sometimes irk me to see feeds littered with only sponsored posts. There’s a reason the word “social” is in Social Media. Though I do promote brands or programs online, for me the most important thing is the engagement. I’m all about the relationships built online. That is what I love the most.
I think everyone manages their work the way that is best for themselves and their families. How I may conduct my life may not be the same as the way Joe Next Door does. That’s okay. If we were all the same, it would make for a very boring world.
Family
When Hubby and I first got married, we weren’t even married an entire month when people started asking when we were going to have a baby. When I gave birth to our daughter, people asked when we were going to have another. We got everything from “it’s bad to have an only child”, “only children are selfish”, “she needs a sibling because she will be alone”. Then came the “if you don’t have another baby soon, your ovaries will dry up and you’ll never have another one” and “you’re getting old. Better have another one soon”. The best was, “Are you infertile or something? Why don’t you have another baby yet?”
I just shrugged off all those questions and comments (and cried a bit when no one was looking). The truth is, YES, there is an issue. I have PCOS. It’s not something I wanted to share with people, because it wasn’t any of their concern. I sometimes wonder how people would react if I answered their stupid questions with, “Yes, actually. I have PCOS. That’s why I have been having a hard time getting pregnant again. Does that answer your question?” I would never say anything like that though. I’m too polite. I just suck it up and realize that people really have no idea what goes on in other people’s lives. Sometimes people are insensitive or just clueless.
I’m happy to have Little One in our lives. She was born so early that we didn’t even know if she would survive. Our little preemie is our miracle baby. I don’t need another baby. I would love to have a sibling for Little One, but if we don’t, it’s not the end of the world. We are blessed.
In the end, it’s the opinions of those I love the most that matter.
I understand that everyone’s always got an opinion and I respect and welcome that. What matters to me is how I conduct my life and the values I instill in my daughter. I want her to learn that it’s important to be empathetic, caring, understanding. thoughtful, helpful, hardworking, good at what she does, and that she needs to love what she does.
I’m not (and Little One is not) going be everything others want me (her) to be, but that doesn’t matter. To be your true self, conduct yourself with dignity, honesty and live a life worth being happy and proud about is what matters. People are going to have opinions on everything, and everyone is entitled to their opinions. It’s how you treat others that matters.
My grandmother (may she rest in peace) always said, “Love one another”. Those are words to live by.
What a story you have. Those around you are fortunate to know you, learn from you, and grow with you. Thanks for sharing.
What an honest and raw post, beautiful. It’s true, 100% that we can’t please everyone all the time, so why bother? So long as your family and you’re own well being are in check, then you are doing amazing. Hugs to you and your family xo
So true, Julia! Now that I’m one year closer to 40, I realize that I just need to be true to myself and do what’s best for MY family.
This is a great post!
Thanks so much, Jenn!
I envy you for the lifestyle change you made. I wish that I could be brave enough to move from the city to the country like you did. I realize that at first it would be difficult because I am so used to the city life, but I also know that in the end I personally would LOVE the country life much more. It is just such a difficult transition to make, especially since I am married there are two of us who would have to agree to such a tough lifestyle change.
Cudos to you. Change can be difficult but the results can definitely be worth it.
So true. I’ve never been one to accept change so freely. There’s comfort in the familiar. This said, change can also be pretty exhilarating! Life changes, people change, circumstances change…
Beautifully written! So many of us feel the same way. I learned the hard way that you cannot always be everything to everybody. “Be yourself” is one of life’s greatest and hardest lessons to learn but ultimately worth the struggle. Never stop writing Christine, you have a gift.
Xenia, THANK YOU so much. Your words always mean so much to me. So glad our paths crossed! I’ll be in the West Island in a few weeks! Maybe we can manage to fit in a coffee date!
I think a lot of the time people incooperate what they think would make another happy or themselves and feel that’s that, that’s what you or someone needs to do….
Happiness doesn’t come from material things. Nor does it come from someone’s approval. It comes from you, what’s within. What I need to make me happy isn’t necessarily what will make you happy. Just because “i think” you’re making a bad decision about something, doesn’t mean it is.
It’s human nature for people to have opinions and express them .. I just wish it was human nature for everyone to respect the decisions of others, especially adults
As far as being what everyone wants, you already are doing that. This world wants beautiful decent kind people.. how in heavens name could you possibly be more then what you are? <3
You’re so right, Darlene. Everyone has a different concept of what happiness is. For some, having a dozen kids is ideal and for others, one or even none is perfect. A huge house, a little apartment, the city vs. the country…happiness is what you want it to be.
I love the quote. so true!
I love that quote too, Julia!
You are an amazing person – I can’t imagine why anyone would want to change that! We all should make decisions on what’s best for ourselves, not for others. No one knows your situation better than you but people seem to forget that often. I too get asked when I’m having a second child and I just respond with “We have one and we’re done” but I still hear things similar to you like “He’ll be lonely without a sibling”, “You aren’t really a parent until you have two!”, “You should have another now before it’s too late”, etc. We almost lost our son during delivery and I’m too terrified to try again. We have one healthy son and I’m so thankful for him. That’s all I need.
P.S. -You are the sweetest and stories of your little one always crack me up!
Thanks so much, Cheryl! <3
I totally hear you on the "he'll be lonely without a sibling". The truth is, my daughter is around kids ALL the time! It's like she has a dozen siblings! She's not lonely. She knows how to share and play with others.
That was a great post, Chrissy. You are wonderful and I’m glad you’re strong and comfortable with who you are. You are such a good example for your little girl.
Regarding the vegetarian thing, I know many people who do it and do it well. And I know others who have tried and their bodies did NOT do well. Droopy, unable to function well, etc. People need to know that we’re not all the same. Inside, outside, our bodies and minds. Our hearts and soulds. There is no reason not to cherish the beauty where we find it. I see so mych beauty in everything you do, for yourself, for your family. Some people are haters. I can’t find beauty in that, but I hope that they can learn to accept others.
Wow Christine, you do know how to write! What a fantastic post. I was/am very much like you and as I get older, I realize more and more that I cannot possibly please everyone. So, I try to live my life the best way I know how and try not to let what others say and think matter quite so much.
You are a fantastic Mom, a great friend and a really special person. You are a role model for us all!
I’ve spent far too much of my life trying to be everything to everyone to find myself hurt time and again. It is so important to focus on you and your journey. People will always judge, and try to take advantage and it’s how we deal with it that determines what affect it will have on us. Sending hugs.
Please don’t ever change who you are and don’t try to forget the past. Each step you have taken…big, small, hard, happy…has formed you in to the amazing woman that you are today. We are placed in each situation for a reason; we might know what that reason is at the time, but when the time is right, we will be smarter and stronger than we were before.
I’m very glad that the steps we have taken have brought us together. I’m very glad that you are my friend.
AHHH! Wendy, your post just made me cry my face off!
P.S. Thank you. Your friendship means the world to me. xo
Well first of all I now know a lot more about you than I did before. I like it when you delve deep into topics like this – about PCOS and trying to be a vegetarian and just being true to yourself. There will always be people with opinions about what you do and who you do it with and the cut of your hair and your clothing and so on and so forth. AND AS women, we are so much harder on each other. As I write that my 13 year old is writing a school essay about a book she read that is something to do with don;t judge a book by its cover. Kind of a lifelong lesson we learn many times over I think. I think that women still have a long way to go before we are supportive of each other. Sometimes I am not sure we will ever get there. And you know what? Blogging has evolved just as social media has evolved and it will continue to do so.
It’s true, Paula. Thank you for taking the time to comment. It means a lot. I also do think you’re right about women needing to support each other more. We should be supporting and lifting each other up. Not criticizing and bringing each other down.
I spent my entire childhood trying to be what everyone wanted me to be and failing miserably. I could never have enough money to buy those clothes or be those girls, I was never thin enough to be the cheerleader or popular enough to have that boy but in the end those things don’t matter. I am me and I love me, I am funny, witty, sexy and loyal. I love unconditionally and if I am your friend I will be there for you until the bitter end. I am a great mom despite what some may think of me and honestly I don’t care. Thanks for this post Christine, you are my hero and I love your honesty so much and I am thankful and grateful to call you friend 🙂 P.S. I totally envy your daughter’s lunches lol
Thanks, Jessica. Your comments always make my day. I really appreciate your positive words, lady!
Such a great post, Christine! I love it! A lot of it reminds me of myself (always wanting to please, always feeling like I’m missing out). It has just been in the last few years that I’ve finally come to realize that, while it does matter what other people think, I don’t worry or obsess over it like I used to. You have to be happy with you and what you do. That’s all that really matters. And from every thing I see and read about you and your family, you are doing just fine – make that fabulous!
Thanks, Sandy. This is probably one of the hardest posts I’ve written. I don’t like leaving myself so open and vulnerable. I guess when we do this, it makes us more ‘real’, but it’s hard.
Great post and so true. We can’t be what everyone wants us to be, we HAVE to be who we want to be. And if we are happy with who we are that is the only opinion that matters! From reading your blog you sound like an amazing person, don’t worry about others!
Judy, you’re right. 🙂 What I want is to be happy and the kind of person my daughter would be proud to have as a mom 🙂
Honestly, all I can say is you’re amazing. As a wife, mom, role model, citizen, and women. You’re full of love and life and have so much to offer those around you. Haters will be haters. Unfortunately, that’s life. All you need is love and that’s what you are. Xoxo
Maya, you’ve always been one of my favourite people on the planet. I <3 you. Thank you.
I also grew up trying to be what others wanted. I wore makeup although it didn’t feel right, I worked in an office and hated every moment I had to wear “slacks” (lol) I have realized that all of the people I looked up to had a strong knowledge and comfort in themselves, however quirky they were, they owned it. With our move here, I have decided to stop trying to quit biting my nails, and just do all of those weird things that make me, me. It does take work to see your true self after trying to bury her, but it sure feels good to let her out! You’re beautiful Christine, the more you worry about the superficial likes of others, the more you lose yourself. Own it. They may not want to be like you, but you’ll gain their respect for having the courage to be yourself. Maybe one day they will have the courage too.
So true, Amber. Now that I am almost 39, I DO feel at a place where I am happy with ME and who I am. I do what I think is best for me and what’s best for my family. It may be different from what other people do, but that’s fine.
I love you for you Christine. I love reading about your adventures on the farm and I love your enthusiasm and excitement when you are helping a brand you believe in. You’re an all around wonderful person and always considered great friend. Keep doing what your doing, the rest is just hot air! xo
Thanks so much! Amotherhoodblog, we still need to go for a meal next time I’m in O-town…barring no illnesses or tired kids 🙂 xo
I love the person you are right now Christine! xxxooo
Oh, Bonnie!! I LOVE you! Thank you. Your comment made my day. Hope to see you again soon!! xoxoxo
You can’t please all of the people even some of the time was what my mom always said. Do what works for you and screw the rest. Love you you and your little one.
That should read love to you and your little one.
Thanks, Julia! Everyone’s got an opinion. If I feed Little One boxed cereal, I’m a bad mom. If I feed her fruits and veggies, I’m a weird mom. LOL!