**WARNING** Not my usual happy, light, fun post 🙂
It’s been just a few months since my grandmother passed away and so far I’ve been holding things together just fine. Things are busy, life must go on, and there’s a little person who needs me to function like a normal human being. It just hits me sometimes though. It comes in waves. The overwhelming sense of loss and the sadness just take me by surprise.
My cousin found one of my grandmother’s pieces of writing. It reminded me of just how much I miss her. I thought of the last time I held her hand and how much my heart hurt.
Hubby, Little One and I have been absent from our church for a good part of the Summer. Summer is really busy on the farm and Hubby rarely gets a chance to leave the farm. He needs to maximize daylight hours and get the most out of his days. There’s always so much that needs to get done.
In church on Sunday, our minister’s words just hit me. I know I don’t talk about religion much on my blog, but every time we attend church service, the words just make so much sense and totally apply to what I’m going through at the time.
I’ve had a lot of things going on in my life lately. Worries. Stress. Anxiety. People see me in public and think I “have it together”. I really don’t. I’ve also been creating more worries, stress and anxiety for myself and my husband. The basement hasn’t been finished yet and it’s been in the works for the past four years. I can’t keep up with the weeds in our vegetable and fruit gardens. My flower gardens are a mess. I can’t keep up with my house work. It’s insane. I want things done and I want it done now.
Then I heard the words come out of our minister’s mouth. He reminded us of the Fruit of the Holy Spirit.
I was reminded that we need to have patience. Patience is not a virtue I possess and have been struggling hard with. I know I need to work harder at it and this has been so apparent lately in so many facets of my life. My mother-in-law always tells me to “Let go and let God”.
After the church service, we had lunch with Grandma (aka: my mother-in-law).
My Dad had spent the morning landscaping my front yard. I almost cried. I’d been trying to get to it for a while now, but was too busy. He just came over and did it. I am so thankful for my Dad.
Hubby took some of the afternoon off work and put farm chores aside to spend some time just lounging around with his family. Little One, Chance, Spike, Hubby and I played in the sprinkler and relaxed on the porch drinking iced tea. Well, Spike and Chance didn’t drink iced tea. They had water.
Our little girl loves her Daddy so much. She cries every time Daddy or Mommy have to work. She just wants us to be together and hang out. She was SO happy today. We just sat on the deck, but she loved it. She kept putting Hubby’s hand on top of my hand and kept saying, “Daddy, hold Mommy’s hand. Kiss Mommy. Group hug!!!” and she gave us both a big hug. She’s so sweet. I love my little girl.
I have to remember that I really do have a lot to be thankful for. Taking time out, having Hubby spend time with Little One and me, and me going unplugged for much of the weekend certainly helped.
I leave you with this video. Totally brings me back to my high school days. I loved Warrant and was in love with Jani Lane! RIP Jani! For some reason, whenever I’m feeling my not so peppy self, this song always comes to mind.