In my early adult years, I’ve witnessed loved ones struggle with addictions. Whether it be a friend with a food addiction, a drug addiction, alcohol addiction, gambling addiction, sex addiction, it was something I could never really grasp or comprehend. Not being able to understand lead to not being able to help these loved ones or properly “be there” for them…without allowing myself to be hurt in the process.
I’ve had friendships and have been in relationships with people who were “difficult”. Difficult to be around. Difficult to deal with. Difficult to love.
Yet, I loved them anyway.
Some have said I was a glutton for punishment and allowed people to walk all over me. The truth is, when you care about someone, you often think that they’ll change. Sometimes, you think you can be a positive presence in their lives. Sometimes all the support and love you give just cannot help a person out of the negative, counter-productive cycle they’ve found themselves stuck in.
I had the wonderful pleasure of meeting Kate Thompson over a year ago through mutual friends. A small group of us went for dinner and a movie, and it was only after watching Eat. Pray. Love. that I discovered Kate was also an author (among the many amazing things she does)! I had seen her book sitting on shelves at different bookstores. I didn’t realize it was that Kate Thompson who wrote the book! Kate, a counsellor and life skills coach, and Bill Klatte, a psychotherapist co-wrote the book It’s So Hard to Love You: Staying Sane When Your Loved One is Manipulative, Needy, Dishonest, or Addicted.
I am pretty certain that we all have or have had people in our lives who are/have been difficult to love. The book helps readers see that there are innovative ways to love a difficult person.
We all have “troublesome loved ones” in our lives. They’re adults who continue to get into serious trouble or make the same mistakes over and over. Despite attempts to communicate, this person does not listen or consider suggestions.
Sound familiar? If so, check out It’s So Hard to Love You.
I wish I had read this book many years ago. It really helped me understand a bit more how to relate to difficult loved ones on my own terms and how to deal with things and not let my own needs be put aside.
Why did I choose to write about this as one of my NaBloPoMo posts? I really do not know. NaBloPoMo allows me to really think about certain things I may not have made time for otherwise. It’s helped me express myself on paper (okay, on the blog) and really get things out.
Happy NaBloPoMo-ing, everyone!
Question of the day: Do you have a loved one who is difficult to love? How do you deal with this person without pushing them away?