Who would have thought that the words desaturations, spells, spinal taps/lumbar punctures, gestational age, corrected age, BPM, room air, CPAP, NG tube, low-flow, baseline numbers, Q2, full feed, IV, no aspirates and RESP would become all so commonplace in my every day life?
I never knew I’d have to know all of those things. Why should I have? I never knew I was going to have a preemie. It’s pretty scary when all the alarms go off and lights start flashing around your baby’s isolette whenever she “sats” high or low. Then you get used to all the flashing, beeping and ringing…and it sort of becomes “normal” to you. I still find myself looking up at her numbers whenever the bells go off, but have learned that if the nurses aren’t worried, then I shouldn’t be. Most of the time, the Little One’s alarms go off because she’s “satting” in the 100’s and doesn’t need her oxygen level turned up so high. She’s breathing room air and still sats at 100! This is why the docs want to try her off her CPAP as of Monday.
It’s really odd how this is my new sense of “normal”. I had a baby very prematurely three weeks ago, I was discharged from the hospital and had to leave her there, I started pumping breast milk for her every two hours since the day she was born, I have to commute to and from the hospital every day to be with her. I feel like everything happened so abruptly. It was like she was taken from me. I never really got to enjoy a full pregnancy. Everything just happened so quickly. This is something I’ve had to accept as my new normal.
All the probes, sensors, tubes, and leads on all the babies seem “normal” to me now. They’re not scary or horrific. They’re necessary. It’s odd how you get accustomed to things that would have otherwise freaked you out if you didn’t have to go through the situation you’re in with your child.
It’s also hard when you hear about other babies in the NICU who aren’t as lucky. I’ve had some parents tell me that their babies had to have so many lumbar punctures/spinal taps and blood transfusions during their stay in the NICU. It all sounded like such a “normal” thing the way they spoke. There are some pretty sad stories out there, and not all the babies make it. It always amazes me how much the doctors and nurses can do to help these little ones though. I feel fortunate that the Little One is in one of the best places for premature babies. They really are miracle workers there.
Actually, all the little ones in the NICU are tiny little miracles themselves. These little babies have to work so hard to stay in this world. They are such fighters. I feel blessed that the Little One is healthy and strong. It makes me cry every time I think of “what could have been” since she was born at 28 weeks gestation. There could have been so many things wrong with her. She could have had so many health issues. Instead, she is very healthy and there is nothing wrong with her. She’s just premature and needs to grow.
She’s definitely my little superstar. I am in awe each and every time I look at her or hold her. She truly amazes me each and every day.
I finally got a photo of her with her eyes wide open. I thought she’d have really “Asian” eyes like her mommy, but her eyes are soooooo BIG! Do her big eyes remind you of a certain someone? Here’s who she reminds me of when she looks at me with those big bright eyes…